


the bottom line; i follow you

by stereosunsets



Category: Free!
Genre: M/M, day 8: eternal
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-11-28
Updated: 2014-11-28
Packaged: 2018-02-27 07:21:36
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,551
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2684219
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/stereosunsets/pseuds/stereosunsets
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Truth is: you knew you loved him, had loved him, since the very beginning. Because even when nothing makes sense, even when he doesn’t make sense (more often than not), wanting him makes more sense than anything; it’s the thought of him, the very thought of being together, being with him, that does; even if there is distance and uncertainty, it’s some sort of abstract, hanging thread that ties you together.</p>
            </blockquote>





	the bottom line; i follow you

_You are_

_two parts pathetic,_

_one part in love, and_

_there’s a fourth part that you can’t understand more than the whole;_

 

It’s not their first time doing it but that’s the point; every new time it feels like a new layer of his carefully crafted armor is shred, and he is sure he would give his everything to Haru.

The problem is, would Haru want his everything? The problem is, and then? And afterwards? Once it’s all given and taken and Haru has seen all there is to be seen, what is left is…

 

_He is straddling you like a dancer, beautiful and graceless, the curve of his hip under you hand becoming engraved in your mind, and even if you feel that each new time you run out of what to give, and even if each new time you wonder what will happen when Haru has nothing else to take, you know **you** would always have something left to take and crave and wish for; there is never enough when it comes to him; you’re a dying man drowning in a ocean of your own thirst. _

 

"Stop thinking so much," he growls, hungry and vicious, mouthing kisses across Rin’s neck and collarbone and biting the entire way, just hard enough to make him hiss, "what are you even thinking about now?”

"Demanding," Rin is amused when Haru is like this, because there is no reason for it; his attention is always on him, even when he spaces out, at the back of his mind, Haru is always a constant imprinted at the center of his heart.

"I’m thinking," Rin says, looking up, voice raspy and breaking, "about what _you_ are possibly thinking."

"I’m possibly thinking," Haru says with a pointed roll of hips, making his breath hitch, "that I want you. Forever." 

"Ah," is the only answer Rin manages to let out in the form of a strained moan as Haru keeps moving his hips on sinuous circles; focusing on his own insecurities almost feels like a struggle when Haru is like that, above him, demanding his attention and focus (as if even when surrounded by his darkest doubts and insecurities, loving him isn't a permanent certainty for Rin) "but what about when you have enough, and there’s no more of me for you to want?", a bittersweet smile across his lips that fades away in the shape of a louder moan he can't hold back as Haru sinks lower against his lap.

Hips still moving, Haru just shakes his head, then leaving out a breathy sigh while burying his face on the curve of the joint between his neck and shoulder.

 

—

 

_And then you wonder if he likes you;_

_You wonder if maybe, just maybe, in the end the sound of your voice isn’t that much of an annoyance to his ears;_

 

"You could have called," averting his eyes and lips turning into what resembles a pout, it’s almost… funny, really, to hear those words coming out of Haru’s mouth.

 

_Didn’t he think I always talked too much, and too loud?_

 

Rin almost distracts himself, stuck at the irony.

Weren’t talking too much and too loud the reasons why Haru always glared at him, almost as if he wished he had mind control powers to make Rin stop speaking?

The irony; now he is the one lost in wonder while Haru’s voice, creates small talk in the background, yet making him snap out of his thoughts when he mentions swimming and Rin remembers. Remembers that before trying to question and understand Haru, he has some stuff regarding figuring his own self as priorities right now.

"Hey, Haru. Do you want to race?"

Rin is nearly once again distracted by Haru’s unusual unguarded enthusiasm when he almost smiles full teeth and all, and replies as if that’s the most obvious answer he could give to the question, "Of course!"

 

—

 

_And then you wonder if he wants to talk and share more;_

 

"Stupid," Haru mutters under his breath, merciless, "how will you be the captain of the team if you’re dead."

"Why are you bothering with my team now," voice raspy, a thermometer under his achy throat, he manages to reply. "Besides, the team can still work without me for some days, you know..."

"Dumbass, it’s not that, it’s just," Haru’s eyes are anywhere but on his face, "you are the captain, you have to be there. Besides," he’s not the one with a cold, but a feverish heat spreads across his cheeks, "you said we could train together. I just don’t want to race Yamazaki, or Nitori or Momotarou."

"So what you’re saying," breathing and talking at the same time is a god damned effort, but even then, a small grin dances on his lips, "is that you were excited to swim with me, Haru?"

"The soup is almost ready." Haru says turning his back, dodging the question; but then, "I don’t particularly feel like swimming with anyone else on your team, _that’s_ what I said.", he mutters over his shoulder.

"Ah…I want to swim with you too, Haru." Rin hums before closing his eyes and drifting off, the soft noise of Haru’s voice mumbling something that sounds like "Then hurry up and get better," lulling him to sleep.

 

—

 

_Other times, you wonder if he wants you to talk and share more;_

 

"Ah, sorry," Rin unintentiontally hums along to the music in his headphones, disrupting the quiet of Haruka’s room; Haru doesn’t bother to glance away from his sketches, sunlight bathing both of their lazy bodies sprawled in the bed. "I don’t mind." he mumbles, (some minutes later he asks, "why did you stop?")

 

—

 

_But you feel like you’re always saying; isn’t he listening?_

 

Sitting with arms curled around his legs, lips resting against his knee, frosty hair coiled over flushed cheeks and that same old dizzy-half-there look in his eyes, like he was caught in a dream; he is beautiful and unyielding and Rin traces the line of his body through the water, cups his face between his hands and —

 

_You just always want him._

_Truth is: you knew you loved him, had loved him, since the very beginning. Because even when nothing makes sense, even when he doesn’t make sense (more often than not), wanting him makes more sense than anything; it’s the thought of him, the very thought of being together, being with him, that does; even if there is distance and uncertainty, it’s some sort of abstract, hanging thread that ties you together; you’re always (and always had been) holding one of the ends and —_

 

they slip beneath the surface, just for a moment, Haru’s lips on his, and he swears, he can hear his heartbeat, caught in the water— or maybe, it’s his; maybe, they’re just the same because it’s all the same with them, isn’t it?

 

—

 

_And maybe, maybe he is already telling and you’re not listening too._

 

It’s in the way his body moves, how he grabs a hold of his collar - with a nearly feral sort of grip, and he clutches so tightly his knuckles go white; how he sighs softly into the kisses, his pull at Rin's nape both anchoring to keep Rin in place with a certain edge of demanding, at the same time coaxing Rin out to go forth.

 

—

 

_It’s a bright day, the sun bathes your skin and under the breeze carrying the crowd’s cheery voices, you lift your head and on the digital scoreboard, your name glows, with a ‘1’ next to it; it glows almost as much as his face when he runs and tackles you on a embrace, very reminiscent of the same one you shared when you met at the middle of the crowded airport on another one of these warm days; very reminiscent of the same one you gave him back when you were still sixteen and he showed you (pulled you to show) that he could have everything but still, wanted you, right there by his side to share it with;_

_And then it dawns on you_

_and you swear ‘he might love me’._

_It’s in the way how whether you’re twelve, sixteen, or twenty, both of you always want to share what you have and learn; (always want to listen or say more; always want to make a effort, albeit picking easier roads would be more convenient. 'Easier' isn't the choice to both of you when you know what you have to lose.)_

_He has grown, he has seen more, he can be happy, but he will always want to share all of that with you;_

_here with his arms around you, he basks on your own happiness, he was cheering for you, and you realize;_

_‘you could have called’, ‘hurry up and get better’, why did you stop?'; whenever he was happy and fine, he wanted to share it with you, and wanted you to share your own happiness with him too. he never left you behind  and wanted to see you fly just as high as he could. after all, it’s a endless give-and-take, it always will come back to this with the two of you;_

_after all, meeting in the middle - for hugs, for kisses, for wins; at an airport on Tokyo; - makes everything more rewarding._

**Author's Note:**

> everyone knows the problems these nerds have to face often stems of their wrong assumptions born out of communication problems; i wanted to work a little with this without making it too sad orz
> 
> anyways! it’s my first time posting for this ship and i hope i have made it justice.
> 
> many thanks to anyone who reads, to the organizers for this beautiful event and effie for the support and for dragging me down the rinharu hell of doom;
> 
> title is from the band depeche mode, which i listened on repeat while writing this.


End file.
